The transition from high school to college isn’t easy for everyone. Some people don’t know what to do with their newfound freedom from parental supervision and spend their freshman year blacking out and throwing up all over the campus quad; some people just straight-up stop bathing because they don’t have anyone forcing soap into their hair, and some people go to school far, far away from all their friends and family and subsequently find themselves all alone. Those people are the ones who tend to become the most annoyingly loud shits in your dorm, all because they’ve had the same friends since 3rd grade and don’t know how to make new ones and compensate by being loud. Newsflash fuckheads, “loud” doesn’t equal “outgoing,” just like how “curvy” doesn’t equal “obese.” There’s a fine line between being confident and trying to front as the “top bitch” at your school, and unfortunately this incoming freshman at South Carolina hasn’t figured out the difference yet.

So right off the bat: you’re not getting a bid anywhere. You just screwed yourself with that Facebook post by identifying yourself as a snobby try-hard, and even though your name is blurred out I can guarantee you that you’ll be blacklisted from every sorority at USC. You might think you look “cool,” but no chapter is going to want the girl who openly says “I plan on majoring in frat boys with an emphasis on beer and a minor in mixed drink.” Sure sororities party and shit, but that’s not what it’s about on paper and so any chapter advisor with at least half of a brain cell will automatically axe you even if the girls you talk with like you. Nice move there.

Besides automatically boning yourself when it comes to rush, why would you want to make your first impression to your entire class of 2019 to be that you’re an entitled little twat? “Your parents better make at least six figures/have at least two houses outside of the continental U.S.”? “I only associate with an elite group of people”? That elite group of people must be really, really small since I’m pretty sure no “regular” person is going to want to put up with this sort of bullshit, so get ready to have 0 friends and 0 idea why no one wants to talk to you.

On a lighter note, I get that this is a joke and I’m just shitting on this girl because it’s easy and I’m an asshole. But come on. Don’t be a fucking moron on a public Facebook group just because you think it’s “cool,” because in reality that message could wind up making the rounds on the Internet and then EVERYONE, even people who haven’t met you, will think you’re an idiot, even if you aren’t.

Oh wait, that’s what just happened. Bummer.

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