Met a girl on Halloween and her group of friends, she invited me back, we had like five more drinks and she was too drunk to function. Took her home, took care of her while she puked, and we woke up together and cuddled. She thanked me and invited me to stay the day with her. I did and stayed the night again, and then on November 2nd, I had to walk home as a Ninja Turtle through the financial district of our city. -khitchwitz

In college, woke up the next day after a party across campus. Walked back to my house. Voting was a thing that day, lots of students out encouraging to vote. I walked into a campus building, interacted with lots of people, voted and left.

Got home to realize a big dick drawn in sharpie on my forehead.
Was wondering why people were looking at me funny. -Belmer321

Today, I walked through my college campus wearing nothing but overalls cut off mid shin and a Mario hat in the rain.

I went out to a Halloween party as Mario, ended up at a friends house throwing up in his sink. Woke up with no idea where the rest of my clothes went but knew I had to get to my dorm, a mile away, to get dressed for class. Unfortunately, I made this walk in between classes so plenty of students saw a defeated Mario. -batteries69

This happened pre-walk of shame.

So one time my friend John and I drove a couple hours to Boston for an old friends birthday party that we hadn’t seen in awhile. It starts as a house party and after that sort of dies down we decided to go hit some bars. I hit it off with a girl, so we broke off from the group and stayed the night at her place. Next morning I wake up, get dressed, and head out into the kitchen. I almost shit a fuckin brick because who is sitting at the table? Fuckin John. We, completely unknown to each other, went home with girls who happened to be roommates. -choadspanker

College. Typical (not frat) house party, gym bros and yoga hoes theme. My friends ripped my shirt off mid-party because of testosterone and alcohol. Wearing nothing but gym shorts and joggers running shoes, somehow managed to still get laid. Wake up next morning and frantically look for clothing, didn’t find my shirt. This is when I remembered some cartoon I saw a while back of a woman getting locked out of her house in underwear. Her friend is jogging by and convinces her to jog alongside to avoid embarrassment. I decide that that is a perfect solution and begin jogging back to my apartment on the other side of campus, pretending to be out for my normal morning routine. its maybe -1c out, nipples able to cut diamond, jog past someone in long spandex, sweater, gloves, and ear muffs. Totally worth it. -theycallmewhywhy

After a night of drinking at the bar, one of my friends decided that she was gonna make everyone perogies. I was upstairs and had no idea she was cooking until I heard a scream. I ran downstairs and there she was, with a wok on the stove and flames rising from it steadily, licking the ceiling. I yelled for another buddy to open the Juliette balcony we had next to the kitchen. I grabbed the flaming oily mess by the panhandle, trying not to spill the flaming oils as I carried it to the balcony and tossed that fucker right out onto the paved alleyway below. I burnt my hand doing so. A few burn marks were formed around our kitchen. Our house had come very close to being a fire scene because of drunken perogies.

Anyway the next morning she went out and collected this misshapen, now-destroyed wok from the alleyway. I always refer to this as her wok of shame. -Makelevl

During the beginning of my freshman year of college, I was sleeping with a guy for a couple of weeks, let’s call him Matt. We weren’t dating, just hooking up, but both realized that we weren’t really compatible outside of the bed, so we moved on.

During finals week in the second semester, I hooked up with a great guy and was massively hungover, doing the walk of shame across the quad back to my room. It was a sunny, clear May morning. I had cigarettes, and was patting down my pockets looking for a lighter, when I stumbled across Matt, also doing the walk of shame and massively hungover, having a nic fit because he lost his cigarettes the night before when he hooked up with some girl at a party.

He had a lighter, I had cigarettes, we sat down and had a smoke, then completed the walk of shame back to our dorm, telling each other to have a good summer when he got off the elevator on his floor. What a carefree time of life my first year of college was.-bullhorn_bigass

Well, there was that one time I dressed as Catwoman for Halloween, which was a Friday, slept at a friend’s, then had to walk of shame back to my dorm on a football Saturday. I went to a Big 10 school, so there were a LOT of people out and about. -fauxxfoxx

In middle school, I had khaki pants on. Thought I had to fart, but it was actually the beginnings of liquid diarrhea and it happened while walking between classes. I went to the bathroom and tried to clean up in the stall, but it was already too late – the shit had seeped through my undies and all on the back of my khakis.

Walked straight out of the bathroom (mid-period, so no one saw), out the door and walked home without telling a soul. I lived about 3/4 of a mile away from school and had to walk the main street to get home. Most shameful walk of my life. Can only imagine how many people drove by and saw me walking with my shit-stained pants along the main street. -throwawaymcgrowaway

A couple Halloweens ago, I went out with a lovely lady to a party. I went as Agent Venom from Spider-Man. We hooked up and she let me crash at her place, which actually was not supposed to happen, so morning rolls around and I realize that I have no change of clothes. Fuck. So, I basically say “screw it” put my costume back on (sans the mask) and walk to my car. On the way to my car, I see a dude around my age in a Spider-Man outfit walking towards me. He starts to say something and I just say “can it, Parker! I’m busy!” and we laughed, but I kept walking to my car. Got in, and drove home. The end. -gregdoom

Met a guy on tinder who insisted he picked me up instead of me driving my car there. We proceeded to his house where we got very, very drunk and had lots of sex. At one point he went to get us tacos while I was sleeping on the couch. I woke up an hour later, he wasn’t back. It was weird because Taco Bell was just down the street. I went back to sleep. Woke up another 2 hours later, he still was not there and it was now dark outside. I texted him and he said, “oh yeah, I went to my parent’s house.” He had left me in his apartment by myself with no way to get home. I had even forgotten my wallet so I couldn’t get a cab. Had to call my roommate to buy me an uber from where she was. Also, I got my period that morning on his couch. Fuck that guy. -Ocula

Made great friends with a dude at this party the night before, we both separately take home girls on opposite sides of our college campus. The morning after I’m walking home about 8am and cross paths with my new best bud so I ask “walk of shame?” To which he responds: “it’s not a walk of shame if they were a 10/10, it’s a walk of glory”. Been using that term since.-pinebone

Was at an animal-themed mixer one Thursday night, with a test the next morning so I was mostly just hanging out talking. One thing leads to another and I end up going home with this girl, waking up ten minutes before my 9am test and walking across campus reeking of sex in a moose costume to take it. -Smiling_Aku

While I was checking out UCSB with my parents, we were driving through Isla Vista and saw this girl walk of shaming home, the only thing was she was on her skateboard and wearing this whole going out outfit and basically as were passing her her long skirt got caught on the skateboard wheels and she totally ate shit in front of my family. -bryancranstonforever

I drive a bus in a college town, something like 90% of riders are students. I work Saturday mornings so I see a decent number of walk of shamers. I’ll always remember one girl who (seemingly) had no clothes other than a jacket several sizes too large for her and a purse with high heels in it.

My favorite thing to do to hungover walkers is to be super chipper and loud/polite. Brings me joy. -Pyrokanetis

I had a bit of a stalker in college. We hooked up one Halloween & after that any time I was speaking to another girl she’d try to interject & shove her tongue down my throat.

My roommates made a bet with me that I’d sleep with her again before the semester was up. Second weekend back at school I get completely shitfaced, blackout drunk. I woke up & didn’t recognize the room I was in as my apartment. When I tried to sit up, my arm was stuck under stalker girl. I got out unscathed & she didn’t even wake up.

I walked up to the back of my apartment & my roommates are all out on the deck having a smoke. When I turned the corner, they all started applauding. I lit up a smoke of my own & asked if they wanted cash or a check. They settled on a bag of weed, case of beer, & making fun of me for the rest of the semester. -Gonzostewie

So I was super pumped to go to college, like 10/10.

I was an alcoholic who loved to have a good time with no limits, and this experience was going to be the same as all the movies made it out to be.

So I move in, get my room all set up with my clothes and things and set out to get absolutely black out drunk.

I wake up in the morning to giggles…girl giggles

My back hurts and I am cold

I peer up to see a small Asian girl and her friend covering their mouths giggling and pointing at me

Between them is my penis, a fully naked body, and apparently, I had been sleeping on their kitchen table.

I nervously and quickly grab a disk cloth off their stove handle to use as a makeshift loincloth and bomb out the door.

Immediately I am struck with fear as 1: I don’t know what building I am in, and there are 6 all identical. 2: I don’t have my keys 3: I don’t know where my clothes are

So I make my way all the way down to the ground floor to go outside (the door locking automatically behind me) and realize that in fact I HAD been in my own building but only on the floor above.

I had to go in my little towel to the residence registers office and get new keys, while some more of the freshmen’s parents moved them in a day later…

The stares haunt my dreams. -Fuddagee

I would like to preface this article with the fact that women overthink everything. Studies like the Amen Clinic’s in California prove that women’s brains are significantly more active than men’s, often leading to more anxiety disorders. So, yes, women could be blunt and say “take me out on a date” but let’s be honest, that rarely happens. Instead they drop hints that they think are obvious, but many men are somehow oblivious to.

Let’s start with the basics. If a girl mentions that she’s single/doesn’t have a boyfriend, she 100% likes you. It did not just casually come up in conversation, she wanted you to know. Please go ask her out now.

When you’re talking, she gives you her full attention. Could it be any more obvious? If she’s looking around when you talk, she wants to be rescued. Checking her phone? Unless you heard it go off, she’s definitely just typing “kill me now blah blah blah” to look busy/away from you and that awkward eye contact. A girl who likes you will always pay attention when you talk.

If a girl you like ever mentions another guy in front of you, I’m sorry, but you have been forever friendzoned. This is the easiest way for them to imply they don’t like you without saying “it’s never gonna happen, dude”. Examples include:
 
1. Mentioning a date she has/had.
2. Telling you the guy across the room is attractive.
3. And, worst of all, saying anything complimentary about your friend Chad.
 
If she likes you, she would NEVER mention another guy in front of you, because she wants you to know that door is wide open with no one standing in the way.

If she mentions something like a movie she wants to see or a cool new restaurant she wants to try, she wants to go there WITH YOU. In a group, this probably doesn’t apply, but if you’re texting or one-on-one, she wants you to take her there.

Once you’re on a date with this girl, how do you know if it’s going well or if she wants to come home with you? She touches you. It doesn’t matter where; your shoulder, leg, arm, etc. she likes you. If a girl doesn’t like a guy, she would rather die a painful death than have to touch him.

Tip: Even outside of dating, you can tell if someone wants to be talking to you by looking at their feet. If they’re pointed towards you, they’re into the conversation. If not, they’re pointed away because they are subconsciously trying to leave.

She’s laughing at your lame jokes. You’re probably not as hilarious as you think, but that won’t stop her. If it’s cute giggling, she’s most definitely faking it. Good news: she likes you. Bad news: your jokes aren’t funny.

Messing with her hair can be subconscious or deliberate. Hair twirling is often done subconsciously, while running her hands through her hair is more deliberate. Either way, she’s trying to show off her sexy hair and you guessed it, she likes you.

Hopefully this list was obvious to you. If not, please pay close attention to the signs a woman is giving you. You could be missing out on girls that like you, or worse, pursuing ones that clearly don’t.

I guess if you have more money than you know what to do with, then I there’s some leeway in how much you can get away with, right? I mean, you’re rich, so who cares what people think, right? Well… I think your support staff and employees might have a thought or two about that.
 
Someone on AskReddit asked if there were any gardeners, maids, au pairs and nanny’s that had some crazy stories about their rich employers.
 
There’s being loaded with money, then there’s being loaded with insanity. The two sometimes go hand in hand.

“Helped my mother in law who was a maid once with a very large mansion in NC. Beautiful house, amazing architecture. They traveled the world all the time. The kitchen had old old appliances from the 70’s, the wife’s bathroom had a broken toilet seat that was duct taped together. The wife did not rewear her underwear. We were not to go in the basement. I peaked down there, there were clothes three foot deep in the basement where she took off her clothes and just threw them down there. Thousands of pairs of underwear. Very weird people.” – 2greenToes

“Worked for a beverage distribution place in a very ritzy resort area for awhile. Guys assistant shows up and says he needs a pallet of Evian for his bosses house. No problem. We load it on the truck and drive it up to his house.
 
After unloading we ask him where he wants it and he leads us into the garage and asks if we can help unload it. So we start downstacking and carry cases of this shit into what I thought would be the kitchen or pantry. Nope. Straight through the house to the back deck.
 
He was filling his hot tub with Evian.” – Odell_Strangehams

“They have a holiday home in the south pacific and have a housekeeper clean it three times a week yet they only visit 3-4 times a year. When they’re not visiting, no one lives there.” – Pregnancyinsomnia

“The wife is a hoarder and will often take way more samples than any normal person. She always makes sure to take all the shampoo/soap etc from hotel rooms and if she passes the housekeeping trolley, will grab as many as she can from there too. Yet she never uses them. They have a whole bathroom cupboard dedicated to samples.” – Pregnancyinsomnia

“Wasn’t really behind closed doors or anything but I delivered furniture to a very rich person’s mega-house once only to discover, as we were going from room to room, a few rooms were completely bare and empty. I didn’t really register it at first because I figured we would be putting furniture in there with the load we were delivering but that didn’t happen and I mentioned to a co-worker how the one room was bigger than my living room and completely bare and he said “maybe they’re getting stuff during another round?” and the guy heard and said “nah that room is staying empty – I have no use for it. Same with the others too.”
 
I couldn’t really wrap my head around a lot of things after that. First off to be rich enough to afford a house like that, then on top of that, purposefully have parts of your house go completely unused because you don’t care about them. Like…why even buy a house that big then? Why overdo it and leave some of it unused? Why not just buy what you need and use it all? Rich people are weird.” – DaveDavidsen

“I worked for an insanely wealthy woman in CT, and she was just as crazy as she was rich. She was elderly when I worked for her as a ‘personal assistant’ – my job was mostly researching the location of the shroud of christ, yes, the shroud of christ. She was a devout catholic and she had a slew of creepy, religious freaks working for her too. She’d call me on speaker phone first thing every morning from her room and I’d have to go through every email (including spam) that she got, took me a few weeks to realize why she was always grunting during our interaction – it was her morning dump routine. She had some sort of skin condition that covered her entire body with open sores that constantly oozed and flaked – it was so bad that her maid changed her sheets 3 times a day, as that’s where she conducted most of her business.
 
Besides the strange religious employees, 3 secretaries and maid, her mentally handicapped daughter lived with her mother still and somehow her boyfriend moved in and her mother was tricked into signing the rights to her daughters boyfriend, so he was there too, and he was also mentally handicapped. One of her workers told me that her daughter was born with one leg shorter than the other, so her mom had her shorter leg amputated and it’s what drove her daughter to insanity. Crazy times.” – HippyDippy420

“Throughout high school I worked as a landscaper for a guy that was worth over 2 billion (according to the internet) every summer.. The very timid rich man would leave every day as I arrived, and I would always be terrified to talk to him.. Until the first time he initiated a conversation with me and I soon realized he was far more nervous than me, which I found odd.. After that, he stopped leaving for work until an hour or two after I arrived..
 
Thought nothing of it, until one day I was close enough to the house to see him and his wife, naked, and while she was fondling his junk they were both just looking out the window at me.. And out of denial (I guess?), I stopped paying attention to the windows as it likely happened for the following 2 years I was there.. But at 14-18, it’s hard to turn down $1,000 a week… cash… And to be honest, I didn’t even mind if they did it everyday..
 
Apparently it was mutually beneficial to everyone involved.” – EthanBradberry727

“I was a nanny for a really wealthy family. Their public face was polished and put together. My second day on the job, I noticed that there were really intricate alarms and lock systems on each of the kids’ bedroom doors. It turns out the dad was a registered sex offender. The alarm systems would turn on and lock the kids’ doors at 9:30 pm. The mom had to use a special code to open them if the kids needed her during the night. They turned out to be a really fucked up family, so I was only a nanny for a year.” – cohen14722

“Growing up my mother would clean houses for wealthy individuals. There was an elderly widowed woman with large all white poodles. She insisted that my mother clean them with bleach. She would provide 2 gallons of bleach each week.
 
My mother never did bleach them, she just poured out the bleach in the tub.” – ousalsa

“The most bizarre was this newly rich young family in Vienna. The bed time routine for the kids (aged 3 and 7) included basically a spa treatment for both. I haven’t seen that amount of products in a child’s bathroom (they each had their own) in my life. The poor 7 year old girl had next to no hair on her head but I was required to slather her in the most expensive adult shampoo, conditioner, hair mask, hair oil, and some other things I didn’t recognise – every night.
 
They only had one tiny box of toys and time spent playing was set up for 30 minutes after they brushed their teeth. Dinner was normally a bland fish fillet and a ton of salad. Not a grain of sugar anywhere in the house. Hot cocoa was made with skim milk and pure high quality cocoa – no sweetness to it whatsoever, it tasted awful.
 
They had time to explain EVERYTHING to me the first time I was there and I received an inch thick file with lists and procedures to follow. What they didn’t mention was that the older girl was still wearing diapers at night. It made for a very awkward conversation with the child and I only hope I was sensitive enough to not cause her any future trauma.
 
Very, VERY weird.” – bananamedley

“My dad is an electrician and has worked in some very rich houses. He did a job in one where the couple only drank very posh fresh coffee. Fair enough, who wouldn’t? But they had a cleaner who was permitted one cup of coffee each day, but not their coffee. She had her own separate coffee, but it wasn’t even a decent, if cheaper, brand. It was the cheapest possible sort to buy, Asda smartprice instant or something. If a person comes to my flat, whether they are a friend or the plumber, they are a guest and they will drink whatever tea or coffee I drink because I see them as equals. My dad has told me that some of the stingiest people he knows are also the wealthiest.” – The LibrarianOokOok

“My sister is a nanny for an NBA player and his wife. The wife called my sister at 9 PM to come to their house for an “urgent” matter. When my sister gets to their house, the wife tells her take the trash out. That’s it. My sister drove an hour round trip to take out the trash.
 
She has so many ridiculous stories about this family, but that one is my go-to.
 
My sister signed an NDA, so I’m pretty sure I have to keep his name under wraps unless I want a shake-down. Let’s just say he’s in his 20’s and he seems like a decent guy. His wife is just an entitled, raging b**tch.” – WhoReadsfor400

“I was a live in grounds keeper for a wealthy eccentric for a while. He had three cars from old movies in his garage. One was from a bond film. They were covered in layers of dust and trash. One of them was a convertible that had the top caved in by trash. Awesome cars just totally neglected and forgotten.
 
He also had a favorite dog kept frozen in a meat cooler, surrounded by decade old frozen food items. I know about this stuff because the garage is where my equipment was. I only saw inside the proper house once (I lived in the keepers housing). It was full of all this crystal, pewter, and silver tableware and decorative stuff. Easily hundreds of thousands of dollars in items just laying around in piles, like a fucking pirate movie.
 
He was rarely there anyway. Once every three months he would swing in to pay bills and take care of other shit, then go back to France where he lived with his wife.
 
A lesser man than I couldve made out like a bandit just taking things here and there. The guy wouldn’t have even noticed. I just did my job though. Even improved his property, because the guy before me was a lazy stoner. I was a stoner too, but I was the busy body kind.” – dis_ABLED

“The family I worked for had a nanny. Youngest daughter forced her nanny to push her around the entire property while she just emitted a high C note. The property was hundreds of acres and they were at it for quite a while. The breadwinner is the husband. Can’t say what he does as I believe he wouldn’t like that. Either way he was a menace to the trees. Would need work breaks so he’d grab a pole saw and go to town on random trees. Then he’d get bored and tell me to clear the piles he made and “pretty the trees back up”. This was also their 365 acre weekend home complete with dam generated power that took them off grid.
 
They had a mansion in the big city, cottage in cottage country, and this property in farm country.” – JustHereToConfirmIt

“I was a nanny for an affluent family. They had a beautiful home and nice vehicles and the kids all had lots of toys and new clothes but while doing laundry one day I had to take a load of moms cloths out of the dryer and every single pair of her panties had multiple holes in them. Not like gnaw holes lol but worn out most tattered panties I’ve ever seen holes.
 
Got curious and looked in her under garment drawer and this was par for the course and not just period panties. She was like a major high up in a huge company and her panties looked worse than I would imagine a homeless person wearing.” – mnmommy

“My mom first came to germany as an au pair for a family of 5, the mother was a doctor and the dad was an engineer and they had three teenage boys, they were not insanely rich but my mom grew up in a village in rural Thailand so it was definitely a different dimension for her. She got up every day at 5 to make breakfast for the whole family when one morning, the father comes down the stairs butt naked, followed by the mom, fully nude as well, and the kids who were also wearing nothing. They apparently spend a couple of days like this in the summer, imagine how shocked my mom must have been being a little 21 year old asian girl in a foreign country, having to serve a fully naked family…” – fuckvyron

“Once when I was a nanny, I was housesitting while the family was out of the country. The refrigerator in my apartment broke, so I packed up some perishables and brought them to the family’s house to store them until the landlord could fix it. When I brought my groceries back to my place, I realized I had accidentally grabbed something that wasn’t mine from the cheese drawer.
 
It was a gallon ziploc bag. Inside that was a smaller ziploc bag. Inside that was a bundle of wax paper. Inside that was a bundle of plastic wrap. Inside that was another bundle of plastic wrap. Inside that was a bundle of tinfoil. Seven layers deep, I found an old lump of fruitcake.” – [deleted]

“The family that regularly bought complicated Lego sets for their five year old, and then assembled them for him because they were too complicated for a five year old, while he looked on and complained they weren’t doing it fast enough, still receive periodic installments of my pity and contempt. Like, dude: he’s not learning anything except that Mommy and Daddy were put on the planet to please him, and he’s not actually learning anything from the toys. They also bought the kid new toys once a week or so. I just…I can’t with some parents.” – MySecretLair

Rich people are weird.

There is a universal response to shots generally and it’s something like this:

Two bartenders shared their opinion of their first reaction to people ordering shots. First, from a bartender with eight-years of experience in the hectic New York bar scene, “When you go for shots, I think ‘trouble.’” Another bartender who’s spent his time slinging drinks in the US Virgin Islands says, “Shots equal jackass juice.”

Not all shots are created equal, however. Adding insult to insanity, are the people who like to load up on expensive shots. Another Gotham native bartender says, “You look stupid when you order expensive shots. The whole point is to get it down quickly—you’re not enjoying the quality.”

Then there are the overly sweet, fru-fru shots such as Chartreuse, Jager, Goldschlager and Fireball. The jury is no more lenient on these. Jennifer Sun, a bartender in Connecticut says of these shots, “[they] tell me you’re a hipster who has no clue what you are doing.” Ouch, she threw out the “H” word. Don’t even get her started on Absinthe, “If you order shots of absinthe, then I figure you’re insane and a cheapskate drunkard.”

It’s difficult to fault someone for drinking Vodka when you see the insanity that happens in Russia, where they literally drink it like water. Then again, they’re not mixing it with cranberry juice..
 
Kyle Siegel, a bartender in West Palm Florida has some reservations about Vodka, however, saying, “Friends don’t let friends date vodka soda girls.” I legit don’t even know wtf that means, but alright Kyle…

Emily Doyle of Ireland has a little bit of a different take. “Please don’t order vodka. You’re nice when you stick with beer, but a demon on spirits.” Any chance this is more geographically fixed?

Yeah it’s made of sugar, so you’d expect it to be relegated only to fruity, island inspired cocktails, but there are some truly amazing rum drinks out there and I personally condone finishing off a bottle of good rum in one sitting—though you aren’t likely to remain sitting for long.
 
Bartender Kim Meyer, on the other hand says drinking rum, “makes you look like a frat boy.” Anyone know the Greek for, “Go fuck yourself?”

I’m not gonna lie. I bartended for 11 years and I STILL order these from time to time. Sometimes I am trying to get from A to B (A being sober, B being buzzed) as fast as possible. These tend to do the trick. According to Meyer though, ordering a Long Island makes you look like “ignorant trash.”

Sun’s opinion isn’t much better. “If you order a Long Island Iced Tea, I know you are new to the bar scene and/or you are cheap and want to get sloppy drunk.” AND?! Pour and shut up.

Brazilian bartending bad ass and obvious ladies man Rodrigo Grudina thinks martinis make you look old. No shit. In fact, he says, “If a guy is going to a nightclub for young people and orders a dry martini, this guy is in the wrong place.”
 
No Rodrigo, he probably OWNS the fucking place.

There really is no misconception when it comes to tequila. The good and the bad, they’re all true. Elena Alvarez who bartends in the tequila mecca of the world, Iowa, playfully says, “Ordering a lot of tequila often gives the impression that you’re trying to have a wild night” and she’s 100% correct. Cheers!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you drink Moscato and you like it and I’m a judgmental asshole. All true. Moscato is a sugary, diluted mess and should only be chugged as last resort from the bargain bin the day before payday. Christine, who has experience bartending in Washington DC and New York agrees, saying, “If they are drinking moscato, they don’t like the taste of alcohol and just want to taste sugar.” No lie, moscato is like “Fisher Price my first booze.” Ok, I’m done.

A few more no-nos (according to these super stars)
 
Apple Martinis – “Apple martini? No, this isn’t 1995. Stop it,” Christine said.
 
“Anything overly juicy or sugary are signs of immaturity,” says Amy, a four year bartending vet in New York.
 
According to Sun, “If you order premium alcohol mixed with something sweet, then I know you just want to impress somebody but you are not all that cultured.” Yeah, but am I gonna get laid? Check and mate!

So, you read through this list and you’re sitting there thinking, “How do I impress that bad ass behind the bar and not look like a toddler with a sippy cup?” Don’t worry, these geniuses have you covered. Seattle’s very own booze aficionado “Danielle” says, “Ordering scotch or bourbon properly depending on the flavor profile says you know what you’re doing and what you like.” She also added, “I really like when someone orders something with confidence rather than ordering something to look cool because they know the name of it.”

Hey Danielle, that shit is confusing, but I’ll be sure to scream out for a sex on the beach next time I’m in Seattle.

Beer snobs and hipsters alike get a bad wrap for their beer preferences, but when it comes to bartending, you’re doing us a solid by ordering your hoppy pint. Drink up, my friend. If you want another “expert” opinion though, one of these shmucks above said ordering beer makes you look “chill.”

Now, if you don’t mind, I have some bartender to go disappoint!

You know what you’re doing and you know what you like. That’s what really matters, not some professionals opinion. You also have good taste, obviously, so show it off with this bad ass bullet shaker.

This is genius. And not in the creepy way that the one dude did it where he set up the couch just to hook up with girls. This is more of a “prank” where no one gets assaulted.

The guy wrote: “These are real porn stars who think they are auditioning for a role in an adult film. I’m not a casting director… and I’ve never seen porn.”

“this is the best math I’ve seen”
 

Check out the video below: