There is a universal response to shots generally and it’s something like this:
Two bartenders shared their opinion of their first reaction to people ordering shots. First, from a bartender with eight-years of experience in the hectic New York bar scene, “When you go for shots, I think ‘trouble.’” Another bartender who’s spent his time slinging drinks in the US Virgin Islands says, “Shots equal jackass juice.”
Not all shots are created equal, however. Adding insult to insanity, are the people who like to load up on expensive shots. Another Gotham native bartender says, “You look stupid when you order expensive shots. The whole point is to get it down quickly—you’re not enjoying the quality.”
Then there are the overly sweet, fru-fru shots such as Chartreuse, Jager, Goldschlager and Fireball. The jury is no more lenient on these. Jennifer Sun, a bartender in Connecticut says of these shots, “[they] tell me you’re a hipster who has no clue what you are doing.” Ouch, she threw out the “H” word. Don’t even get her started on Absinthe, “If you order shots of absinthe, then I figure you’re insane and a cheapskate drunkard.”
It’s difficult to fault someone for drinking Vodka when you see the insanity that happens in Russia, where they literally drink it like water. Then again, they’re not mixing it with cranberry juice..
Kyle Siegel, a bartender in West Palm Florida has some reservations about Vodka, however, saying, “Friends don’t let friends date vodka soda girls.” I legit don’t even know wtf that means, but alright Kyle…
Emily Doyle of Ireland has a little bit of a different take. “Please don’t order vodka. You’re nice when you stick with beer, but a demon on spirits.” Any chance this is more geographically fixed?
Yeah it’s made of sugar, so you’d expect it to be relegated only to fruity, island inspired cocktails, but there are some truly amazing rum drinks out there and I personally condone finishing off a bottle of good rum in one sitting—though you aren’t likely to remain sitting for long.
Bartender Kim Meyer, on the other hand says drinking rum, “makes you look like a frat boy.” Anyone know the Greek for, “Go fuck yourself?”
I’m not gonna lie. I bartended for 11 years and I STILL order these from time to time. Sometimes I am trying to get from A to B (A being sober, B being buzzed) as fast as possible. These tend to do the trick. According to Meyer though, ordering a Long Island makes you look like “ignorant trash.”
Sun’s opinion isn’t much better. “If you order a Long Island Iced Tea, I know you are new to the bar scene and/or you are cheap and want to get sloppy drunk.” AND?! Pour and shut up.
Brazilian bartending bad ass and obvious ladies man Rodrigo Grudina thinks martinis make you look old. No shit. In fact, he says, “If a guy is going to a nightclub for young people and orders a dry martini, this guy is in the wrong place.”
No Rodrigo, he probably OWNS the fucking place.
There really is no misconception when it comes to tequila. The good and the bad, they’re all true. Elena Alvarez who bartends in the tequila mecca of the world, Iowa, playfully says, “Ordering a lot of tequila often gives the impression that you’re trying to have a wild night” and she’s 100% correct. Cheers!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you drink Moscato and you like it and I’m a judgmental asshole. All true. Moscato is a sugary, diluted mess and should only be chugged as last resort from the bargain bin the day before payday. Christine, who has experience bartending in Washington DC and New York agrees, saying, “If they are drinking moscato, they don’t like the taste of alcohol and just want to taste sugar.” No lie, moscato is like “Fisher Price my first booze.” Ok, I’m done.
A few more no-nos (according to these super stars)
Apple Martinis – “Apple martini? No, this isn’t 1995. Stop it,” Christine said.
“Anything overly juicy or sugary are signs of immaturity,” says Amy, a four year bartending vet in New York.
According to Sun, “If you order premium alcohol mixed with something sweet, then I know you just want to impress somebody but you are not all that cultured.” Yeah, but am I gonna get laid? Check and mate!
So, you read through this list and you’re sitting there thinking, “How do I impress that bad ass behind the bar and not look like a toddler with a sippy cup?” Don’t worry, these geniuses have you covered. Seattle’s very own booze aficionado “Danielle” says, “Ordering scotch or bourbon properly depending on the flavor profile says you know what you’re doing and what you like.” She also added, “I really like when someone orders something with confidence rather than ordering something to look cool because they know the name of it.”
Hey Danielle, that shit is confusing, but I’ll be sure to scream out for a sex on the beach next time I’m in Seattle.
Beer snobs and hipsters alike get a bad wrap for their beer preferences, but when it comes to bartending, you’re doing us a solid by ordering your hoppy pint. Drink up, my friend. If you want another “expert” opinion though, one of these shmucks above said ordering beer makes you look “chill.”
Now, if you don’t mind, I have some bartender to go disappoint!
You know what you’re doing and you know what you like. That’s what really matters, not some professionals opinion. You also have good taste, obviously, so show it off with this bad ass bullet shaker.